We’ve all been there. You awaken feeling a bit confused and dazed, but also a little more awake.
What happened? Was that really what I was thinking? That was definitely a dream.
Even if you enjoy them, sexy dreams can be a surprise to you.
You might be thinking to yourself “I’m not actually into that, am I?” or “I would never have sex with that person!”
The subconscious mind is a mysterious and strange entity. Many of which, we don’t quite understand as humans.
Let’s take a look at why we have sexy dreams, and what they might mean.
The Meaning is Yours
First, create meaning around the dreams you have.
Even Freud can’t tell you what’s going on in your psyche based on your dreams.
You might find some theories or correlations between what you are doing and how it is related. Sex dreams may refer to sex., but these are all just that – theories.
If you have sex with someone you don’t want to in a dream or do something that doesn’t feel right to you, it doesn’t mean that that’s what you’re into, or you really want to have sex with that person.
Dreams are how our mind processes our days, any stress we’re holding onto, and insights into parts of ourselves we might want to explore.
If you’re serious about your sexy fantasies, they can only be fulfilled if you choose.
The Top 10 Sex Dreams
Women and men report that approximately 8% Their dreams include sex. These data are only for cis-gendered persons at the moment. Trans and non-binary people can also dream of sex.
We hope it will be more inclusive in the near future.
Reread the last section.
It’s saying that, on average, 8% of a person’s total dreams are sex dreams.
That’s a lot of sexy dreams!
What kind of sex dreams do people have?
These are the most popular:
- Public sex
- A celebrity sex?
- Sex with a friend
- Sex with an Ex
- Group sex
- Sex with a current partner
- Sex with a stranger
- Sex with a colleague
Others co-star in sexy dreams are people you might not normally have sex, or random acquaintances.
It’s Not Always About Sex
When you have a sex dream, it’s easy to take it literally.
If we know anything about dreams, it’s that they’re usually not straightforward.
So, why not do this with sex dreams as well?
Many of this has to do both with the shame we feel about our sexuality as individuals and as society.
People who are in authority positions have some of the most sexy dreams. Parents, teachers, coaches, and even parents can be sexy. You might wake up in the morning thinking “Where on Earth did that come from?!”
Researchers We found that children who were abused or have had negative family dynamics from a young age are more likely to dream of having sexual experiences.
Even though they may feel strange or disturbing at times, these kinds of dreams are a chance to face something that you might have suppressed or that could be healed.
This may be a problem that you are experiencing regularly and is bothering your mental health.
What do you feel?
You can go in circles forever trying to figure out what your sex dreams mean, but that’s not the biggest piece here.
What is most important? How they made you feel.
You can find out what your dreams may be trying to tell you by paying close attention to your emotions when you awaken from a dream.
These are some questions that you might want to ask.
- Do these really reflect my sexual needs?
- Are you feeling stressed in the dream, or when you wake up?
- Do I feel embarrassed by this dream?
- This dream turned me on.
- This is a recurring dream.
This is something you should take the time to reflect upon after you wake up.
*Bonus points if you journal about it!
How to Have Sexy Dreams
Some sex dreams can seem discombobulating but others can be healing and energizing.
These are the kind of dreams you’d like to achieve more.
We’ve got some tips for you whether you want to ease the stress that’s causing uncomfortable sex dreams, or you want to have more fulfilling sex dreams.
Make a night-time routine
The things you do before you go sleep can have an impact on the dreams you have.
A bedtime routine or ritual can help you create more fun sex dreams.
These are some ideas for things to add to yours
- Do not use your phone 30 minutes to an hours before you go to bed.
- Take a relaxing bath or do some self-massage to get in touch with your body.
- Before you go to bed, read a sexy book.
- You can set a goal for yourself to create the dream you desire and how you feel. It is a good idea to say it out loud and to visualize it before you go to bed.
You can also influence your dream through lucid dreams and hypnosis.
Lucid dreaming This is where people are more aware of their dreams and can control them. While some people are able to do this naturally, you can learn to do it. You can make your sexual fantasies come true!
Hypnosis is another option. This isn’t about controlling your mind, but more about finding a deep state of relaxation and influencing it to do something. There are quite a few hypnosis apps you can download and listen to while you’re going to sleep.
Another option is to record yourself on your phone’s voice notes. Talk about your sexual fantasies as if they were already occurring for between 10 and 30 mins in a calm, slower voice.
You can even listen to audio porn Watch as you fall asleep and take a look at the dreams that you have.
Writing down your dreams can be one of the best ways to remember them and influence them. Keep a small journal near your bed and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up. Whether it’s in the morning or the middle of night.
You’ll be amazed at how much more in control you feel of your inner landscape!
Remember that sex fantasies are completely normal and common. They don’t have to be meaningful if they are. What matters is how they make your feel.
Natasha (she/her), is a full-spectrum doula, a reproductive health content creator, as well as a sexual wellness consultant. Her work helps people feel more joy, softness and sensuality by removing shame, stigma, as well as the stigma surrounding sex and birth. Natasha can be reached on IG at @natasha.s.weiss.