Most of us think we’re pretty good at masturbation. We’ve done it for years, we don’t need tuition. But, what if, even with our extensive hands-on experience, we could be getting more out of it? What if masturbation has become routine?
Here, we’ll discuss seven very simple ways that you might be overlooking your personal pleasure, and how, by incorporating them, you might be able to reach your masturbatory potential.
1. There’s More Than One Way…
We all respond differently to sensations and touches. Sometimes, we don’t know what our response is until we experience it. It’s healthy to take time to explore them on our own, and to devote time to the conscious study of our sexual sensations and responses.
This has benefits for partnered sex as well as solo pleasure. As you learn which techniques are most satisfying alone, you can slowly introduce them into partnered sex for a more fulfilling experience. For example, alone, you might discover that you’re more easily orgasmic when you use firm pressure and powerful vibrations, but your partner might not know that. It’s not their fault, they don’t inhabit your body and experience your sensations, so you have to teach them. In doing so, you can ensure more satisfying sex over the long term.
2. Give Yourself Space
Knowing what you DON’T enjoy is already half the battle, and you’re already figuring out what it is you DO like. It’s a process of elimination, and it takes practice, patience, and perseverance. It also takes a few errors and misses to find a hit.
But that’s cool. It’s all about experimentation. Allow yourself the time and space you need to explore your body and your sensations without pressure and without judgment. Don’t force yourself to reach orgasm, that’s not necessarily the goal of pleasure. Consider all masturbation as intelligence gathering.
3. Watch & Learn
We tend to conform to a very rigid depiction of masturbation, one perpetuated by society and media which exalts female masturbation as an object of male desire: lusty, indulgent, and instantly orgasmic. It’s not like that in reality, and it’s hard to find realistic depictions of masturbation even in mainstream porn.
Try watching cammers and performer-made, feminist, sex positive porn, and see what others are doing for real. From their techniques, you might learn a lot about yourself.
Sex toys can offer stimulation that is hard to produce naturally. These rumbly, buzzy sensations can help to provide more overwhelming sensations to the larger structure of the clitoris, instead of just the external parts. The SONA is actually designed to do exactly that, for an experience that you can’t recreate alone.
5. Wetter Is Better
No matter which sensations you gravitate towards, you can never have too much lube. Whatever you’re doing, add lube. It doesn’t really matter how much you do or don’t self-lubricate, the addition of some lubricant or personal moisturiser is always a benefit.
We recommend our own personal moisturiser for use with our pleasure products, but most water-based lubricants will do fine, and silicone lubes are great as long as you’re not using silicone toys (the idea that silicone lube will destroy silicone toys is a little overstated, but it’s best to stay as safe as possible).
6. Outside In
So where to start exploring? Well, the clitoris is the only piece of anatomy that exists only to encourage pleasure, so that seems like a good place to start. By beginning to learn your external pleasure points, you can at least begin to disabuse yourself of the notion that an orgasm must involve penetration. It doesn’t – in fact, most women don’t orgasm through penetration alone.
The clitoris is larger than it seems, extending around your vaginal opening into the vagina’s internal structure. Most anatomists consider the G-spot to be part of the larger clitoral construction, and that part can be found a couple of inches up and inside the vagina’s front wall. When you’re aroused, the tissue will swell as the erectile tissue involved in its assembly is engorged. Learn it, and where it feels good. It’s the shortcut to enhanced pleasure all round.
7. Mix It Up
Our anatomies all vary slightly, and your genitals might look different to another’s. Your body might respond differently too.
Experiment with circular motions, or thrusting motions, and go wherever your intuition leads you. Your erogenous zones are incredibly versatile and absolutely unique to you, so you need to explore and experiment with different sensations and techniques to find what works. Try masturbation in new places, like the shower. The biomechanical difference between standing and lying down, or squatting, can alter the sensations you experience. These little differences can help you become more fulfilled in just about every aspect of your daily life.
With 16 years in the adult industry, including many years at LELO, it’s fair to say Stu has been around the sex toy block a few times. As LELO’s resident sex geek, he’s been featured in the Independent, the Guardian, HuffPost, Vice, Cosmopolitan, and anywhere people talk about sex. Here on Volonte, he turns his spotlight onto the important events affecting sex right now in a regular op-ed. Views are his own.